|
Bagpipes-(noun)-I understand the inventor of the bagpipes was inspired when he saw a man carrying an indignant, asthmatic pig under his arm. Unfortunately, the man-made object never equalled the purity of sound achieved by the pig. -Alfred Hitchcock 
Q. How do you get two bagpipes to play a perfect unison? A. Shoot one. Q. What does a bagpiper wear under his kilt? A. Shoes and socks. Scottish Bar Stool
 (A "Shoe" Cartoon Q: How can you make a drummer slow down? A: Put a sheet of music in front of him Q #2: How can you make that drummer stop? A: Put notes on it!  Q: What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians? A: A drummer 
Q: What's the difference between a Scotsman and a Rolling Stone?
A: A Rolling Stone says "hey you, get off of my cloud!", while a Scotsman says "Hey McLeod, get off of my ewe!" 
Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. To get away from the bagpipe recital. Q. What do bagpipers use for birth control?
A. Their personalities. 
Q. What's the difference between a dead snake in the road and a dead bagpiper in the road?
A. Skid marks in front of the snake. Q. What's the difference between a bagpipe and an onion? A. No one cries when you chop up an bagpipe 
Q. What's the difference between a lawnmower and a bagpipe? A. You can tune the lawnmower, and the owner's neighbors are upset if you borrow the lawnmower and don't return it 
Q. If you were lost in the woods, who would you trust for directions, an in-tune bagpipe player, an out of tune bagpipe player, or Santa Claus? A. The out of tune bagpipe player. The other two indicate you have been hallucinating. 
Q.If a dollar bill was laying in the center of a room, and the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, a drummer with good time, and a drummer with bad time were standing in the corners, who would get the money? A> The drummer with bad time since the other three don't exist. 
Q: Why do drummers have one more brain cell than a horse? A: So that when marching in a parade, they can avoid the sh*t on the road. 
Q. Why did the bagpiper get mad at the drummer? A. He moved a drone and wouldn't tell him which one 
Q. Why do bagpipers always walk when they play? A. Moving targets are harder to hit. 
Q. What's the range of a bagpipe?
A. Twenty yards if you have a good arm. 
What's Up Your Kilt?
Q: What's Irish and stays out all night?
A: Patty O'furniture! 
Q: How did the Irish Jig get started?
A: Too much to drink and not enough restrooms!
Q: What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control his wife?
A: A bachelor.
Q: What do leprechauns love to barbecue?
A:Short ribs!  “What are you wearing under your kilt?” My Scottish pride. My shoes and socks. Nothing is worn, everything is in perfect working order. How warm are your hands? Play your cards right and you can find out. Me mother once told me a real lady wouldn't ask.
She was right, God bless 'er. Tell me madam, would you go jogging without a bra? To another man: Same as you, only bigger. To another man: Your wife's/sister's/mother's lipstick. To a woman: If I'm lucky, your lipstick. Lipstick--two shades on a good day! Socks, shoes and a wee bit of talcum powder. Bagpipes, wanna give 'em a blow? By a man: A wee set of pipes. By a man: String -- I had to tie it up so it didn’t hang below the kilt. By a man: It's the smallest airport in the world.....2 hangars and a night fighter. By a lady: A wee sporran. By a lady: Chanel No. 5. How badly do you want to know? To a lady at church: What God graced me with. Gi’e us your hand lassie, I’m a mon o’ few wurds. 
Page Last Updated: Aug 03, 2008 (12:55:10)
|
